It has been an interesting year of internal struggles and making many decsions that I didn't think I would have to make so soon.
As many will have read and seen I was living in East London I thought I was going to be living there for more than 2 years but after a year it was suggested to me that I came back to live with the rest of the team. My initial reaction wasn't great at I began a struggle of what the best thing to do was and for quite a while I have to say that my decsion was more based around ministry and generally based on Doing. I was so desperate to build something and have something to show for who I was. I in many ways had missed the point.
Yes I was doing many of the things that I had dreamed of for a long time, working in a youth club, I knew the young people on the estate I was living on an estate which is something that I had wanted to do for a long time. I was even had postiton of leadership both in YWAM and the church.
I was facing a decsion where I apparently had to leave everything, these were things I could see, ministry, Church friends, a house, an area, even the vision I believed God had given me. I struggled and struggled and at one point I very nearly decided to keep it all and stay where I was, and perhaps leave YWAM
However one day I was in my friends car and there was a CD on with some teaching and he was talking about how he had been invited to a conference to sit at Jesus' feet, whilst I was listening something clicked inside me thats what it is about "Sitting at Jesus' feet." I am not a human doing but a human being.
It doesn't matter if I do all kinds of things ministry wise if I am not keeping the first thing first JESUS and my relationship with him. For many years I didn't t understand the story in Luke where Martha is there serving Jesus but Mary sits at Jesus' feet and when Martha complains Jesus says that Mary chose the better option.
It's about knowing God and just by being we can bring God's presence it is about being with him not by doing, doing doing, which is totally my tendency.
This coupled with the times that I read John 12: 24- 26
"Unless a grain falls to the ground and dies it will not produce any fruit." But if that grain dies it will produce much fruit"
Then there was a conversation with a friend and I had, had many conversations where people had said yeah that I was badly done to, that yeah I should leave, that I needed to fufil my potential, that yes it was time to build. However this friend said something different to me, and I knew that it was God speaking to me - Angela you need to go through the cross - it is good for you. If by staying you are trying to avoid that then you musn't.
These three things together convinced me that I needed to move, in many ways move back to the team. It would seem humanly speaking that I would be taking two steps back rather tha forwards.
I knew it would be brokeness and difficult to leave but having left everything behind I feel I have gained everything. It really is true what they say the one who trys to save his life and the one who loses his life saves it.
will write soon .....
- Ange Antics
- Manchester, United Kingdom
- I am Someone who Loves God with I am a bubbly lively person who loves meeting people and loves God with all their heart and trys to put God first always. Someone who has a calling to work with young people and the arts. I have a heart for urban missionary work I am called to build the kingdom.